By Eirian Hallinan
Crying is particular to human beings
and is a socially adaptive skill. There are often lots of tears shed during the
first few weeks of school because it is usually the first time your child
experiences an extended separation from you. It is an important stage for your
child when she begins to learn that she can be part of a group outside of her
family. During those first days she is working out how to cope with separation,
loss, anxiety and change. The skills and techniques she learns will be needed
throughout her whole life. As a protective parent you may find it difficult to
see your child crying but know that generally, children are resilient and can
utilise coping skills remarkably well. Crying is one of a child’s best coping
strategies so children should be allowed to cry. The benefits of crying
include:
·
The release of tension – it is not healthy to bottle up negative
emotions such as loneliness, fear, anger or anxiety. It means you are probably
not breathing well, you are tense and rigid. Once you cry, your lungs expand
and fill with oxygen. Once your tears have subsided you begin to
breathe more efficiently. The louder you cry, the better, as it is more of an
emotional release. You will find that once you have stopped crying your muscles
are more relaxed.
·
Crying encourages people to come to you and it has been observed that
popular children are often the ones who are emotionally open. Other children
will comfort the tearful child and strong bonds are created. Crying can help
others by showing a tense child who finds it hard to cry that it is safe to
release your tears.
Children have their own individual
ways of coping. Your child may cry and want to be held and understood or perhaps
she prefers to be left alone and maybe hides behind a curtain or piece of
furniture where she feels safe. Your child may cry quietly or loudly, for a
short time or until she is unable to cry any longer. You will probably see your
child go in and out of a crying session all the while trying to process her
feelings and observing what others are doing. At some point she may be
distracted by something fun or that makes her laugh.
You should not tell your child to
stop crying or to pull herself together. Avoid saying things like ‘stop crying’
or ‘your eyes will go all red’ or ‘the other children will think you are silly’.
Unless she has been crying for an excessively long time and making herself
unwell also refrain from trying to distract your child or saying ‘I do not know
why you are making such a huge fuss’. By crying your child is soothing herself
and as long as she is not hurting herself or others there is nothing wrong in
crying episodes.
Everyone cries at some point and it
is totally acceptable for you to cry sometimes. It is a healthy and natural way
of releasing anxiety. It is a hard time for you to adjust when your child first
goes to school. Being emotionally open, accepting your child’s tears and
realising how wonderful crying is as a coping mechanism will enable your child
to develop her coping skills in a healthy way.
Eirian Hallinan has written numerous
articles in the parenting field.
She believes in healing naturally, first, especially when it comes to infant reflux.
0 Comments